September 14, 2025

 

There are days, where I think I will not cry again, and then there are my hormones. 😭 I was thinking maybe I suffered a lot, that all my tears are dried up now. I might have given up on life, if it wasn't for you.

I guess I wasn't looking for a Man, I was just looking for a replacement for a friend, for a father. When I look back, I guess I never loved anybody. Not like this. And I don't think I can love a man again.

How can someone love someone so broken? I thought it happened in movies only. Or the novels of Nicholas Sparks. 🤗 Yup that was my favorite novelist back in the day. I was in love with the idea of Love. I had some great movie evenings with my friends in college. 

When I asked my friend, I never had a friend like myself. She was very unhappy about the comment, she said we all are going through something. So we should be kind. At that time, I had a lot of resentment for almost everybody. I felt alone, and unwanted. 

I'm the same woman now, and I finally know my worth. I no longer need any approval from anybody now. I Love myself. And you should love yourself too. You are too critical about yourself, maybe due to some trauma you never told me about. I can wait.

Forever 

Kx.

September 13, 2025

 

Good Morning my Love, 😙 I hope you are in good mood today. I have had the most vivid dream of my life in the morning. I can't tell you everything about it. But I believe it was all good news. How I long for Good News these days. 

I'd been dreaming of school, college, examination and teachers, for a long time. Of course God has been testing me lately. I finally saw that I was well appreciated and accepted in my class, despite my flaws. 👏 I no longer fear my shortcomings. I don't fear being mocked anymore. I think it was all in my head. I was born to SHINE. 🌟 hoping you agree on this one.

Maybe I wasn't born to fit in, I have accepted myself the way I am. And there is nothing wrong with me. It's just that my patience has been way too long. It isn't small at all. It was all my life. WAITING!

That being said, I do cry sometimes, but not all the time anymore. I have done a lot of damage, or rather the 🐍 I deal with. They too seem powerless now. 😄 God has Avenged Me. 🤞

I'll talk to you soon, when there is less chaos. 

Forever

Kx.

September 12, 2025

 

Hey Handsome 😈 Miss Me?? 🤪 I bet you do. I just realized my Ego is my greatest enemy. For me it was more about self respect. I hate taking favors, and asking people for help. I only want God's hand in my life, and not from a Human. 

Not that I'm very religious, but lately I thought, what's the point of asking, if all I will get is a NO. So my dear, I stopped asking.

It seemed to me the best option, but now I wonder, could I have been in a better place if I didn't? Sometimes blessings do come all of a sudden. And trust me I enjoyed it. 🥳 

Hopefully, I will find a way around despite my Ego 😉 I do lack funds all the time, but I'm proud of my resistance 💪🏻 and you should be too. 🙃

Forever 

Kx.

September 9,2025

 

So my darling, it seems your life is more difficult than mine. Even though there is no competition between our circumstances, I do believe mine are more difficult, and I just don't see a way out of them, most days. 

When people know each other, they sympathize with each other, and I feel like nobody knows Me. I do try to convince myself, this is meant to be. I'm alone in this for a reason. 

I told someone, if I did get out myself, will people around have a right to complain about my new attitude?? And the answer was what I expected. PEOPLE WILL COMPLAIN AND JUDGE YOU REGARDLESS.

And so, I always tell myself, it's just so incredible that after ruining my Life, the same people still think about Me, still talk about Me, it's means they are not done with me, it means they haven't succeeded. It's means I've WON. Despite everything that has happened. That, my dear is VICTORY ✌🏻 

Even though my Idea of Victory is something else. Well, my time hasn't come yet. And I'm okay with it. I see doors closing for Me, everyday and I still move forward. I will not give up. 

Forever 

K.

September 4,2025

 

They say nobody is too busy, to say I Miss You. 👀 Isn't that right??

I must be crazy, to write so much, knowing I will not get a reply. Anyway, it is more for Me to let out my frustration, then it is for you for mere communication. Also I don't believe in communication anymore. That's why I write letters instead 💌 😭 

Now I'm starting to think, what's the point? If I keep repeating the same mistakes, I might never reach where I'm supposed to be. That's a lot to take in. 

I no longer think that you understand Me, or you ever will. And I will not try to convince either. I know you wouldn't stay where I am, for a day. You have no right to complain. I'm not ashamed of my circumstances anymore, it's not who I am. It will pass, but I might lose a lot more than I imagined. 

Forever 

K.

September 3, 2025

 

Sorry, I was busy fighting the snakes around me. By that I mean, I think I have already explained it. I don't want to complain anymore. I see Blockades every where because, a lot is going on without my knowledge. Now I suppose it's for the best.

And you Sir? How was your vacation? Your silly bribes are not enough for me. But then I thought, having a girlfriend like me is already a bigger problem. GOD BLESS YOUR SOUL. 😄

How I enjoyed living alone. The amount of stimulants I deal with everyday is seriously off the hook. Oh my innocent soul, just can't take these kind of burdens. At least I don't worry about my business Empire. Because I don't have one. 😆 

I'm laughing because, that's the truth. all we complain about are actually small problems. There are people who go through a lot more than this. They have such beautiful patience. Life is funny though. What right do we have to complain?

I see that I talk about all the random things, and not the things that actually bother me. I am used to it now. I want to say things, but not all things. Things that portray me as a weak person. No I would never want that. Even with the man I love. And it is not about Trust. It was because, I was left on my own a long time ago. And I have decided not to complain about that either. 

I do think often, how different will things be, If I was a different person. I think about it a lot. And I told myself Why?? We have enough problems to solve. The facts say, that I can not solve them either. And I never asked for your help because, I just can't let a man be the hero in my life. I just can't give men that power over me. It was always me, I am the Hero. 

Even though I know, you can do it, you have done that before for others. But not Me. It is just my defense mechanism. It's hard to decode for a Man. We are not the same, you don't have to understand that either. At this point I have no expectations from people around Me. I have had enough disappointments already.

I only wish to make things easier for others, that includes you too. That is why I disappear from the scene often, thinking you have a difficult life too. I hope you find your solutions soon.

Love always

Kx.